The Second Condition for "Legitimate" Punishment

                                                 2. Lack of intent to change behaviour:                  Retribution and punishment, while distinct in text and speech are linked in the real world in such a way that separating them is impossible....

The First Condition for "Legitimate" Punishment

                                1. Lack of proper authority:   The practice of punishment is a very specific, legitimate sort of abuse; are its effects very different though? Considering the case of children, and assuming that retribution is not...

The Biblical Jesus Regarding Punishment

                                A. Vengeance is Mine                   Punishment is the act of an authorized person imposing something unpleasant or aversive to change an unwanted behaviour in order to serve some accepted desire or need of the...

The Third Condition for "Legitimate" Punishment

                                                3. Intent to change behaviour for an unacceptable purpose:                   This would be another ‘eye of the beholder’ thing, or even better, the mote in your brother’s eye: we have other names...

The Three Conditions for "Legitimate" Punishment

Remove authority and punishment becomes abuse. We can’t just go about making peoples’ lives unpleasant in the sorts of ways we use to punish, even with a reason and good intentions unless they’re somehow our people, somehow under our legitimate...

Abuse, Punishment, and Intentions

To repeat: Abuse is, must be, a subjective determination: if I feel raped, I have been raped, if I feel abused, I have been abused. That is the criteria. Therefore, if a child has been subjected to punishment, and he has reason to doubt that the three...

Alice Miller, Continued . . .

I’m having a little trouble getting this idea across, the idea of parental force and violence, of parental power, as a condition necessary for abuse. To read the psychoanalysts on the subject, gives one a concept of a purely mental process of...

Alice Miller was wrong

Not about the problem. The problem Dr. Miller identified is real. It's real, and it's huge and serious. Nearly all children, for basically forever have been abused by their caregivers, usually their parents. Child abuse is ubiquitous and systemic....

I'm with Alice Miller

Really, Alice laid it out, I'm only trying to give her POV, her revelation in a different way, and from different angles.   I think she's been somewhat marginalized because so much of her ideas have been bound up with the repression concept, and...

Punishment, Rewards, and Human Nature

 . . . and Capitalism.   We are not 'born bad,' despite what our authoritarian parents and leaders would have us think, despite that everyone seems to think we are. The Christians call it Original Sin, they think we are born evil and need God...

Consistency of Discipline

Something we hear a lot from those who advise parents, is the need for consistency with our discipline. Logically, in terms of the need, I couldn’t agree more. It’s not a deterrent if the miscreant lacks a reasonable expectation of the penalty and if...

My Journey into Parenting

When we finally caught pregnant and made it past the first three months, we decided we were on our way, and we set up a bedroom for the baby. We cleaned a room, painted it, and found a nice crib – but before the baby arrived, we had changed our minds....

Punishment - the Definition

Punishment describes the act of imposing something unpleasant or aversive on a person or animal in response to an unwanted behaviour.  The behaviour may be unwanted for any number of reasons, including disobedience and immorality, and the...

Gun Laws won't stop Criminals - part #3

Neither does making EVERY CITIZEN armed and dangerous. Stop worrying so much about your security - security demands the total loss of your rights, of someone's rights. The good people of the world should be victims, that's what good people do,...

The Common Denominator

There are many ways in which child-rearing can be mishandled, many sorts of trauma and many corresponding types of damage that we suffer. As I said earlier, raising children is not what we call a ‘mature science,’ and although we may think it is, in...

Video-games Do Not Cause Violence.

 . . . sorry, folks, I know I've probably posted this before under another title . . .    It’s May, 2013 as I write this, and the USA is deep into a national debate regarding the ownership of guns and gun violence which has come about in the...

It's Not Your Fault

It’s not your fault.   It’s the system, the system of child-rearing. It’s no-one’s fault. As much as we feel as though we are free individuals thinking for ourselves, there is ‘nothing new under the sun’ and a great deal of what we do is...

Modern Parents are in a Terrible Bind.

Old School parents still feel the lessons are the important thing, and that ‘the rod’ is the most effective and therefore the right way to discipline, the way to keep their kids on the right path. New school families do everything they can to raise...