The Normal Viewpoint

I'm going to use this chapter as a sort of a FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) section. But first, a rant:   Believe me, folks, these things I have heard before, these are things most people believe. Hearing them from you is not going to change...

Give up the Power

Parents today are caught in a terrible bind. I hear it from young parents a lot. They want to be different from their parents, they all remember parental mistreatment, they all want to be nicer to their kids, they want to avoid the mistakes they see...

Love Looks like Love

People usually punish with the best of intentions. As children, we receive most of our punishments from those who love us. Of course, it’s those who love you that are interested in correcting you, who want you to grow up as a happy, healthy,...

Does Punishment work?

Despite our nearly complete faith in it to correct a world of wrongs, punishment is inherently inconsistent and unfair, and simply doesn’t work. Everyone knows it: misbehaviours are not always punished, while correct behaviours are sometimes...

Punishment as Teaching

Punishment as Teaching   Training your children is a dangerous shortcut. It's normal to want to train your kids, it's seen as necessary in order to keep them safe. I wanted to be able to stop my kids with a word, for situations like when a...

It's not about gun control, it's about punishment.

Several points:  - penalties for using banned guns and magazines mean nothing to a lunatic who plans to kill himself anyway.  - there are enough guns of all sorts loose in America now for the carnage to continue for centuries if no-one ever...

Violence breeds violence

Violence breeds violence. It’s something, I think, that all peacemakers can agree on.   Psychology tells us that abuse and trauma are damaging to the psyche, and to a person’s development. In simple language, we often say that an abused...